A person very close to me had a recent health scare that caused me to consider my interactions with this person that day and whether I might have contributed to the stress that lead to what turned out to be a massive migraine, but presented itself as a possible stroke due to the symptoms (numbness in the left side of the face and left arm and weakness on the left side, slurred speech and confusion). I was asleep when I got the call that this person was in the hospital. I didn't immediately react as I could not believe what I had heard. The caller continued, my mind caught up and my emotions followed. "You're Killing Me!" is what I finally said.
It all turned out alright, except I kept thinking about relationships whether they be long term relationships like those of kin, love, friends or the interactions that we have with the same people on a regular basis such as coworkers, grocery store clerks, friends of friends. In certain cases, the dynamics of a relationship might be that we aren't as careful with our expression of emotion and/or any personal interest we might have that the conversation or interaction serve our wants and needs, and in doing so, giving less regard for the wants, needs and feelings of the other person or people involved.
After this awful scare, I vowed to myself to be more aware in my interactions especially with this person but also with everyone and to build upon that so that eventually each person is granted my respect, consideration and if needed, my genuine empathy for whatever is going on with them. If the situation exists that I need something from the interaction or would like something specific from the interaction I can communicate this and listen to them keenly while working towards what I want or towards an acceptable compromise without 'thinking past' the person or people involved.
You may be thinking, that's basic. Of course this isn't a new idea, but sometimes we forget or are caught in the dynamics of the relationship and don't think to act any differently than we always have. Probably, depending on how tuned in we are that day, it's a combination of all of these things.
Finally, I settled on the idea that with each interaction we have with another we are doing one of three things. We are either
1) Building something
2) Maintaining the status quo, or
3) Breaking something down.
Mostly, I would like to be building something, that's what taking the care I wish to take is about. I recognize though, that sometimes there is cause for maintaining the status quo, with plans to return to building something again when the stressful or very busy time of one or the other's life calls for most of their attention. I hope not to be breaking something down in any of my relationships. I hope to act in a way that does not impose undue stress on another. Thinking less about what "I" want or need at that moment and instead, thinking equally about what both or every party to the relationship wants or needs.
At some times more than others I tend to think inward and move from action to action without always being fully present. I hope to begin to change that.
